Tuesday, July 29, 2003
I thought this was hilarious:
In an unusual new program that emulates financial markets, the U.S. Defense Department will allow traders to bet on the probability of future terrorist attacks.
"The Policy Analysis Market" – enabling traders to buy and sell "futures" based on the likelihood of a specific event – is the brainchild of the department's Defense Advanced Research Project Agency, or DARPA, according to news reports.
Bidders will profit on the occurrence of events such as a missile attack by North Korea, the overthrow of Jordan's King Hussein and the assassination of Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat, the agency's website says.
Imagine waking up to the morning "Terrorist Market Report" ---
(announcer voice, business-like)
Here’s an update on the Terrorist Futures Market
Liberian President Charles Taylor is up in trading today…the market is reacting strongly to reports that a second city has been overtaken by rebel forces. Charles Taylor is up 20-percent on the expectation he will leave the country
Saddam Hussein futures are trading lower today following reports his longtime bodyguard has been captured by US forces in Iraq. The Saddam futures dropping sharply…experts say Saddam could be in US hands by the end of next week. Trading is slightly higher among investors banking on being “captured alive”…those who are putting their resources in “riddled with bullets” are risking increased criticism from foreign investors.
North and South Korea markets are back on the floor today after a 2-day hiatus following recognition of the 50-th anniversary of the cease fire agreement. Trading paused to observe the occasion over the weekend…but traded sharply higher this morning on word that North Korea is still being considered as part of an “axis of evil” by US government officials. North Korea recently announced plans to produce a nuclear weapons program, but a Korean dictator spokesperson couldn’t be reached for comment on the report.
Cuban futures are holding steady after a rough and tumble month of June when dissidents who were rounded up by Fidel Castro met untimely deaths by execution. Plans to roll out a new trade agreement with Hollywood investors fell through when the embarrassing details of the Cuban regime were made public. Public sentiment has rebounded among the investment group Spielburg, Asner, and Streisand who think the image of dissidents being executed will be overlooked when Castro re-emphasizes it’s universal health care program.
French-run Tour De France fell today after a fifth-straight decline in earnings of yellow jerseys. France, still reeling from the lack of foreign tourism – especially in the US, may impose trade barriers barring US government sponsored athletic intrusion.
Low volume trading today among Libya, Iran, Syria, Jordan, and Saudi Arabia…the Middle East terror markets have been relatively quiet since the removal of the Hussein regime in Iraq. Reports that many tribal forces are still relying on small arms fire and shoulder launched grenades should keep the terror market in low figures for some time. US precision guided missles and stealth fighters have contributed to the uneasiness among the normally volatile market funds.
Liberals, of course, are complaining about the idea...but anyone who ever has placed a bet in Vegas or among friends knows...in the end, the HOUSE always wins.
In an unusual new program that emulates financial markets, the U.S. Defense Department will allow traders to bet on the probability of future terrorist attacks.
"The Policy Analysis Market" – enabling traders to buy and sell "futures" based on the likelihood of a specific event – is the brainchild of the department's Defense Advanced Research Project Agency, or DARPA, according to news reports.
Bidders will profit on the occurrence of events such as a missile attack by North Korea, the overthrow of Jordan's King Hussein and the assassination of Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat, the agency's website says.
Imagine waking up to the morning "Terrorist Market Report" ---
(announcer voice, business-like)
Here’s an update on the Terrorist Futures Market
Liberian President Charles Taylor is up in trading today…the market is reacting strongly to reports that a second city has been overtaken by rebel forces. Charles Taylor is up 20-percent on the expectation he will leave the country
Saddam Hussein futures are trading lower today following reports his longtime bodyguard has been captured by US forces in Iraq. The Saddam futures dropping sharply…experts say Saddam could be in US hands by the end of next week. Trading is slightly higher among investors banking on being “captured alive”…those who are putting their resources in “riddled with bullets” are risking increased criticism from foreign investors.
North and South Korea markets are back on the floor today after a 2-day hiatus following recognition of the 50-th anniversary of the cease fire agreement. Trading paused to observe the occasion over the weekend…but traded sharply higher this morning on word that North Korea is still being considered as part of an “axis of evil” by US government officials. North Korea recently announced plans to produce a nuclear weapons program, but a Korean dictator spokesperson couldn’t be reached for comment on the report.
Cuban futures are holding steady after a rough and tumble month of June when dissidents who were rounded up by Fidel Castro met untimely deaths by execution. Plans to roll out a new trade agreement with Hollywood investors fell through when the embarrassing details of the Cuban regime were made public. Public sentiment has rebounded among the investment group Spielburg, Asner, and Streisand who think the image of dissidents being executed will be overlooked when Castro re-emphasizes it’s universal health care program.
French-run Tour De France fell today after a fifth-straight decline in earnings of yellow jerseys. France, still reeling from the lack of foreign tourism – especially in the US, may impose trade barriers barring US government sponsored athletic intrusion.
Low volume trading today among Libya, Iran, Syria, Jordan, and Saudi Arabia…the Middle East terror markets have been relatively quiet since the removal of the Hussein regime in Iraq. Reports that many tribal forces are still relying on small arms fire and shoulder launched grenades should keep the terror market in low figures for some time. US precision guided missles and stealth fighters have contributed to the uneasiness among the normally volatile market funds.
Liberals, of course, are complaining about the idea...but anyone who ever has placed a bet in Vegas or among friends knows...in the end, the HOUSE always wins.
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