Thursday, April 08, 2004
PREVENTING 9-11
Well...let's set the old "way back machine" to the Summer of 2001 and attempt to do exactly as the esteemed 9/11 Commission is appearing to want us to do...
1. EDUCATE AIRLINE PASSENGERS - Given the fact that no one outside of a few on the plane bound for a Pennsylvania field knew what the new tactic was, we should instruct all passengers to fight back during all attempted hijackings. Prior to September 11th, most of us would probably agree that a hijacking is nothing more than yet another delay in reaching our eventual destination. All other previous hijackings in the US were usually met with a few FBI people waiting on the ground after the "refueling" to attempt to negotiate and/or stall until the Delta Force guys get there to take them out in some kind of Hollywood movie-style operation. A boxcutter used by even the most highly trained Ninja would do more than kill a minimum number of passengers, box cutters are not much of a threat to a plane full of 200 or more people. From now on, passengers should take the law into their own hands and respond by force in order to prevent the plane from hitting any buildings.
2. BAN BOXCUTTERS - See the above for reference. Just in case.
3. FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CONTROL OF FLIGHT SCHOOLS - All private flight schooling should be eliminated and become solely operated by the Federal Government, and limited only to those with previous military training. In fact, no private planes - large or small - would be allowed. If you want to fly your own aircraft, you sign up first for the Air Force; do the usual tour of active duty; and THEN you would be allowed to get an FAA license. In addition, the United States will only train naturalized US Citizens...similar to the limitation on who may become the President of the United States.
4. ESTABLISH AN INTELLIGENT COMMISSION - We must gather all believers of things like UFO's in Hangar 18, JFK conspiracy groupies, anti-Rockefeller types, black helicopters, and anyone who's ever put tinfoil on their heads to protect them, and establish them as the Connect The Dots Commission Members. The FBI, CIA, NSA and other "black ops" groups would hereby be under their control (perhaps Oliver Stone or David Duchovny would help) and be required to investigate every lead recommended by the committee. When modern evolution catches up, we'll employ clairvoyants and "mind melders" to predict with more accuracy.
5. ESTABLISH A PERMANENT INTELLIGENCE COMMISSION - Depending on what political party controls the most branches of government, we should use all blogging resources to seek out those with the most radically opposite points of view and establish the Finger Pointing Commission to assail on a regular basis all of the incorrect decisions made by the Connect The Dots Commission. The AP, UPI, ABC/CBS/NBC, CNN and other "truth seekers" would hereby be under their control (perhaps Harold Raines and Ted Turner would help) and be required to investigate every lead recommended by the committee. Since modern evolution has allowed us to point our fingers, we'll only need to use the current members of the press.
6. NEVER ELECT "A CLINTON" AGAIN - By Constitutional Amendment, we ban all those with geneological ties to William Jefferson Blithe Clinton from serving public office. Nuff said.
Whew...now let's set the "way back machine" to the present and use our heads people...perhaps the only thing we really SHOULD do is cancel the election in November.
Well...let's set the old "way back machine" to the Summer of 2001 and attempt to do exactly as the esteemed 9/11 Commission is appearing to want us to do...
1. EDUCATE AIRLINE PASSENGERS - Given the fact that no one outside of a few on the plane bound for a Pennsylvania field knew what the new tactic was, we should instruct all passengers to fight back during all attempted hijackings. Prior to September 11th, most of us would probably agree that a hijacking is nothing more than yet another delay in reaching our eventual destination. All other previous hijackings in the US were usually met with a few FBI people waiting on the ground after the "refueling" to attempt to negotiate and/or stall until the Delta Force guys get there to take them out in some kind of Hollywood movie-style operation. A boxcutter used by even the most highly trained Ninja would do more than kill a minimum number of passengers, box cutters are not much of a threat to a plane full of 200 or more people. From now on, passengers should take the law into their own hands and respond by force in order to prevent the plane from hitting any buildings.
2. BAN BOXCUTTERS - See the above for reference. Just in case.
3. FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CONTROL OF FLIGHT SCHOOLS - All private flight schooling should be eliminated and become solely operated by the Federal Government, and limited only to those with previous military training. In fact, no private planes - large or small - would be allowed. If you want to fly your own aircraft, you sign up first for the Air Force; do the usual tour of active duty; and THEN you would be allowed to get an FAA license. In addition, the United States will only train naturalized US Citizens...similar to the limitation on who may become the President of the United States.
4. ESTABLISH AN INTELLIGENT COMMISSION - We must gather all believers of things like UFO's in Hangar 18, JFK conspiracy groupies, anti-Rockefeller types, black helicopters, and anyone who's ever put tinfoil on their heads to protect them, and establish them as the Connect The Dots Commission Members. The FBI, CIA, NSA and other "black ops" groups would hereby be under their control (perhaps Oliver Stone or David Duchovny would help) and be required to investigate every lead recommended by the committee. When modern evolution catches up, we'll employ clairvoyants and "mind melders" to predict with more accuracy.
5. ESTABLISH A PERMANENT INTELLIGENCE COMMISSION - Depending on what political party controls the most branches of government, we should use all blogging resources to seek out those with the most radically opposite points of view and establish the Finger Pointing Commission to assail on a regular basis all of the incorrect decisions made by the Connect The Dots Commission. The AP, UPI, ABC/CBS/NBC, CNN and other "truth seekers" would hereby be under their control (perhaps Harold Raines and Ted Turner would help) and be required to investigate every lead recommended by the committee. Since modern evolution has allowed us to point our fingers, we'll only need to use the current members of the press.
6. NEVER ELECT "A CLINTON" AGAIN - By Constitutional Amendment, we ban all those with geneological ties to William Jefferson Blithe Clinton from serving public office. Nuff said.
Whew...now let's set the "way back machine" to the present and use our heads people...perhaps the only thing we really SHOULD do is cancel the election in November.
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