Wednesday, September 15, 2004
OTHER MEMOS PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWN TO CBS
I've gone through my vast collection of memos I received as a member of the media, and I've discovered some shocking information that I previously forgot. You'll have to trust me that these are real given the fact I don't have a scanner to make PDF copies of for you to view. I ran all of them by the same experts CBS used to determine their validity and have their notes below each memo. I'm serious...trust me.
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07/23/88
TO: George H W Bush
FR: Danny
RE: Thanks
Gorge, I wanted to thanck you for the chans you've given this old cuntry boy. I reely have alot to lern and I no I can lern it from yu. Let me no wen yu want me to take over for yu when yu ar tyerd of beeing in charj.
04/23/85
TO: Roy Stout, SR VP Marketing
FR: Bryan Dyson, President
RE: Ready for the intro
Roy, I'm having second thoughts about our plan. We've gotten quite a bit of publicity, and that's always good for our brand and image, but I've tasted the new Coke (are we still calling it that?) several times and I'm not sure it's going to work.
This morning, for instance, I reached for my morning Coca-Cola while still sleepy from our long night last night. I still had a few cans of the "old" Coke in the fridge and I wanted to be on board as much as possible, but I grabbed a "new" Coke (we've got to do something about that name) by mistake. I really thought it was a can of you know what from you know who.
We should meet before you make the announcement tomorrow.
Monday
TO: Bill
FR: Monica
RE: Smoke this
Petting Buddy,
I had a really great time last night. I hope it was good pizza! Ha ha. I'm soooo glad you picked me! I always meant to wear those panties you liked so much many times, but I couldn't find the right dress to go with them! I have to thank a really good friend of mine (you might know her because she says she works for you in the Pentagon or something - whatever that is)...anyway, she helped me pick it out and it was sooooo perfect! Oh my god! That thing with the cigar was kinda kinky...but my gyno says I shouldn't probably do it again, though. But if that's what you like, then I guess it'll be okay...I won't tell! Call me! Pleeeezze?
PS. Does your wife have any suggestions for what can maybe get out a stain I found?
6/23/04
TO: Greg Alan, PD/Host
FR: Paul Smith, GM
RE: Idea
Greg, I have an idea I'd like you to implement. I'm not so sure the discussion of local news is all that important to our image of Newsradio. I kind of think it might be a little dark and serious for the party atmosphere that is Charleston...especially downtown. I mean, how many times do we have to talk about education, taxes, and corrupt politicians? If people wanted to talk about that stuff, they can go to the meetings of school boards and city councils and stuff. I mean, it's an election year and people want to get away from all that gobbledygook. I just think we might be burning a few bridges with a lot of people who don't like to be hassled. Here are a few topic suggestions (but you're the PD, so these are just suggestions): Motorcycles, walking, Germany, TV reality shows...these things are hot button compelling topics! Everyone is talking about this kind of stuff!
Let's meet next week (maybe after your show) and go over a plan.
I've gone through my vast collection of memos I received as a member of the media, and I've discovered some shocking information that I previously forgot. You'll have to trust me that these are real given the fact I don't have a scanner to make PDF copies of for you to view. I ran all of them by the same experts CBS used to determine their validity and have their notes below each memo. I'm serious...trust me.
---------------------------------------------
07/23/88
TO: George H W Bush
FR: Danny
RE: Thanks
Gorge, I wanted to thanck you for the chans you've given this old cuntry boy. I reely have alot to lern and I no I can lern it from yu. Let me no wen yu want me to take over for yu when yu ar tyerd of beeing in charj.
Analysis notes: I judge the memo to be authentic given the common mistakes in spelling, which many word processing software programs now commonly use to correct misspellings automatically. Also, the date just so happens to be the day after then Vice President George Bush chose the Indiana Senator as his running mate. A true forgery would have most likely not chosen such a precise date and most likely would have guessed.
04/23/85
TO: Roy Stout, SR VP Marketing
FR: Bryan Dyson, President
RE: Ready for the intro
Roy, I'm having second thoughts about our plan. We've gotten quite a bit of publicity, and that's always good for our brand and image, but I've tasted the new Coke (are we still calling it that?) several times and I'm not sure it's going to work.
This morning, for instance, I reached for my morning Coca-Cola while still sleepy from our long night last night. I still had a few cans of the "old" Coke in the fridge and I wanted to be on board as much as possible, but I grabbed a "new" Coke (we've got to do something about that name) by mistake. I really thought it was a can of you know what from you know who.
We should meet before you make the announcement tomorrow.
Analysis notes: The memo appears to be accurate. The original copy contain what appear to be splatter stains on the paper that contain large amounts of a common corn sweetener. The stains, tested at a science lab are identical to DNA analysis with our control can of New Coke.
Monday
TO: Bill
FR: Monica
RE: Smoke this
Petting Buddy,
I had a really great time last night. I hope it was good pizza! Ha ha. I'm soooo glad you picked me! I always meant to wear those panties you liked so much many times, but I couldn't find the right dress to go with them! I have to thank a really good friend of mine (you might know her because she says she works for you in the Pentagon or something - whatever that is)...anyway, she helped me pick it out and it was sooooo perfect! Oh my god! That thing with the cigar was kinda kinky...but my gyno says I shouldn't probably do it again, though. But if that's what you like, then I guess it'll be okay...I won't tell! Call me! Pleeeezze?
PS. Does your wife have any suggestions for what can maybe get out a stain I found?
Analysis notes: Authentic. Memo contains fibers from under Ken Starr's bed.
6/23/04
TO: Greg Alan, PD/Host
FR: Paul Smith, GM
RE: Idea
Greg, I have an idea I'd like you to implement. I'm not so sure the discussion of local news is all that important to our image of Newsradio. I kind of think it might be a little dark and serious for the party atmosphere that is Charleston...especially downtown. I mean, how many times do we have to talk about education, taxes, and corrupt politicians? If people wanted to talk about that stuff, they can go to the meetings of school boards and city councils and stuff. I mean, it's an election year and people want to get away from all that gobbledygook. I just think we might be burning a few bridges with a lot of people who don't like to be hassled. Here are a few topic suggestions (but you're the PD, so these are just suggestions): Motorcycles, walking, Germany, TV reality shows...these things are hot button compelling topics! Everyone is talking about this kind of stuff!
Let's meet next week (maybe after your show) and go over a plan.
Analysis notes: Couldn't possibly be authentic. Trust me.
Comments:
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RAOTFLMAO! When are we gonna hear where you are going! I know I find the fact that he speaks gggggerman intersts me to no end. I'm suffering through RFRD right now. (Look at the photo on the WSC web site, he has to unzip to see where I was going)
Gee, we aren't bitter are we? I know I know, it sucks being told that you are getting your butt handed to you by a racist redneck blowhard who wasn't even good enough to be on a Florida station where he was buying his air time. But not every opportunity is for everyone...sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Buck up, suck up, get over it, and move on.
whole f'n show
whole f'n show
Greg: I read your blog whenever I get the chance. whoever posted above maybe doesn't. this is the first time you mentioned anything about your previous job in a bad light, but i thought the whole piece was pretty funny so I didn't think anything about it. i guess they didn't read the rest of it. what an idiot. You never sounded bitter before, and I can't believe you are now. No matter what anyone says, they made a big mistake. I gave it a whole month like you recommended a long time ago, but I can't take it anymore. I've moved to XM since. I don't miss Rush or Beck, but I tune out the rest.
AND: Where ARE you going? and have you had the baby yet?
AND: Where ARE you going? and have you had the baby yet?
Suck it up is right! Mr. Smith booted you for something a lot more entertaining. By the way where did you lift those fake memos from? I know that when all else fails I always blame the Jews. They are keeping you down! Are they running the show in Charleston?
"Mr. Smith booted you for something a lot more entertaining."
Yeah what he said...and Murfy be a lot more funny than you is and he certainly bes mo inntilagent than you was. He appeel to more of us smart folk who be lisnen tos the radio in da afternuun time.
he said, SRAOTFLMAO! What a maroon!
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Yeah what he said...and Murfy be a lot more funny than you is and he certainly bes mo inntilagent than you was. He appeel to more of us smart folk who be lisnen tos the radio in da afternuun time.
he said, SRAOTFLMAO! What a maroon!
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