Tuesday, November 23, 2004
DEAR CHARLESTON,
Well, the time has come to say goodbye, my friends. I will be leaving the lovely coast of South Carolina for the frigid frozen tundra of the Midwest. Definitely not the time of the year to be leaving the comfortable surroundings of the south Atlantic. As promised, I'm going to offer my thoughts on South Carolina, Charleston, and other random bits. Take them as you will.
But first I wanted to give my heart-felt thanks to all those who made our stay here very special. We left for an adventure two years ago...and that's exactly what it has become. Knowing no one, we risked moving 13-hundred miles from any one we knew to what seemed at times like a foreign land. Many of you made the decision to stay as long as we could very easy. But alas, the radio business isn't the most stable in the world.
I can thank South Carolina for giving me two of the most special gifts in the world...my children. It's my contention that there must be something in the water here. After going through a bone marrow transplant 8-years ago, it was never a consideration that I would be able to have children...in fact, I was told specifically that it would be extremely unlikely. Within six months, we proved that theory wrong. It was a fluke, we thought. Then, my wife had an ovary removed after the first child...and...well, you can see why I believe it's the water.
So with that said, I say goodbye to those of you in Charleston. I'm sorry things didn't work out...and despite what many of you still want to believe, you're stuck with what you have here in radio. I feel your pain. Here are the final words...with apologies for the stuff that you wouldn't understand (because it's inside baseball stuff)...
Well, the time has come to say goodbye, my friends. I will be leaving the lovely coast of South Carolina for the frigid frozen tundra of the Midwest. Definitely not the time of the year to be leaving the comfortable surroundings of the south Atlantic. As promised, I'm going to offer my thoughts on South Carolina, Charleston, and other random bits. Take them as you will.
But first I wanted to give my heart-felt thanks to all those who made our stay here very special. We left for an adventure two years ago...and that's exactly what it has become. Knowing no one, we risked moving 13-hundred miles from any one we knew to what seemed at times like a foreign land. Many of you made the decision to stay as long as we could very easy. But alas, the radio business isn't the most stable in the world.
I can thank South Carolina for giving me two of the most special gifts in the world...my children. It's my contention that there must be something in the water here. After going through a bone marrow transplant 8-years ago, it was never a consideration that I would be able to have children...in fact, I was told specifically that it would be extremely unlikely. Within six months, we proved that theory wrong. It was a fluke, we thought. Then, my wife had an ovary removed after the first child...and...well, you can see why I believe it's the water.
So with that said, I say goodbye to those of you in Charleston. I'm sorry things didn't work out...and despite what many of you still want to believe, you're stuck with what you have here in radio. I feel your pain. Here are the final words...with apologies for the stuff that you wouldn't understand (because it's inside baseball stuff)...
- Get your freakin education system fixed. It stinks, and you know it. Holy smokes...put away the "I voted for the guy because I know him" crap and put somebody in charge that will radically change things (Gov. Sanford is a good start). People will NEVER consider moving here to raise a family unless they home-school or go private...or they shouldn't. It's outrageous and you should be ashamed.
- The old south is dead...get over it. Hard-line "I'm from the south and you ain't" people (and those that pretend to be) are the minority and it's time for them to give it up. The south IS rising again...but with less and less of your influence. The rebel flag? it's nice...but it doesn't mean squat...to either side of the silly debate.
- Conservative pride is a good thing. Don't let the liberals trash talk the south like they do (when they don't need you anymore). Please see the Bush Map and understand that many of the "not from the south" people are also your comrades in the fight against liberal weenies. Don't risk alienating them (see above item) and letting more liberals get the edge on keeping people like Hollings and Mayor Riley around so damn long.
- Learn to stinkin drive. The LEFT lane is for PASSING and FASTER moving vehicles...get your ass in the right lane. And for God's sake, give up the race to the stop light. One benefit of moving to the midwest is a 50-percent reduction in my car insurance. 50-percent...think about that. It ain't seat-belt laws that are going to do it...it's about education. Oh, and unless it's really necessary...hang up the phone and drive. Remember the peace and serenity of driving by yourself with the radio blasting? You can have it again if you think you can wait until you get somewhere more convenient to make a call. No law, mind you...just common sense.
- Speaking of stop-lights...they are ill-timed and someone needs to fix every damn one of them. There's no reason in the world that three stop lights along Ashley Phosphate over I-26 can't be timed to ease traffic - rather than stall it for miles. And the 3-second yellow between green and red is a joke. 5-seconds, minimum. No wonder there's a lot of wrecks...you've got 1-second to make the choice whether or not to continue through the intersection or slam on the brakes. Given the educational system, it's not enough time.
- Treasure your mannerisms. They are a special gift. It's so nice to receive a "sugar" or "honey" when you're droopy-eyed in the morning and just want a day-old donut to give you the energy you need for the 25-minute drive to work.
- Protect your waterways. Driving down the Mark Clark with the radio blasting (and phone turned off) is especially nice...when you can look out the side window safe from some moron going 45 in the left lane. Big, modern, winding slabs of concrete...blended beautifully with the whistling reeds of the Cooper River inland. That's what America is all about...progress, done beautifully. The new bridge will be nice too...but waayyyyy too gaudy for my taste.
- Service your vehicles. Oil change...tire inspections...whatever it takes. I have never heard of so many stalled vehicles in my life. I see more cars on the side of the road on a clear crisp day here than I see in a whole year of snow storm blizzards that completely white-out the roadway.
- Golf. Oh, my goodness...I will really miss that. But I played them...the Ocean Course, Turtle Point, Wild Dunes, Riverfront...and for that I thank those of you who care for them.
- The food. Very special. Every area of the country has it's secret recipe. Keep them a secret, for they make you proud. I'll take the Old Bay and mustard-based BBQ with me. The She-Crab, and Lowcountry Boil...Oysters...and yes, even grits with brown gravy and shrimp. The local shrimpers need your help too. Take pride, and put a stamp on it. No law...no subsidies...simple pride will be enough.
- Black...white. Whatever. I didn't notice any problems along those lines. It's a lie, what they say about you folks. Most of you anyway. There are always a few bad apples. Yours don't spoil the bunch as much as some people believe.
- Radio thoughts. I'm sorry...but the new guy stinks. My ears tell me he won't last long either. The dupes that bought his demo tape have to be rewinding it every once in a while wondering what they missed. News/Talk without news OR talk...is...um...well, I dunno. Of course, one of the persons responsible is probably waiting for parole right now, but hey...it's radio. Three topics...countem. Rinse, re-use, and recycle. ZZZzzzz.
- The competition shouldn't be competition, either. Anyone can read FARK.com and put together some good material...but credit the sources...don't try to pass it off as your own...or something ONLY YOU found. I swear, some morning when I'm gone...bring up your browser and go to the FARK webpage and follow along...almost word for word. As for the political commentary in other dayparts...subscribe to National Review. At least they have some advancing commentary. Say what you want about "right wing radio"...the bad ones simply mouth the words...the good ones THINK...THEN speak. I may have failed in the battle, but I have my integrity...and independent thought.
- The good guys. TJ and Gary (WEZL) are the best...I hope they last longer than I fear they will. Good people win exactly like they should. Marvelous examples of how local radio serves the community. I have heard none better. Tank...be careful, my friend. Make sure you do what you want...the money will come later. Find your passion. Stu...same thing. If you love radio, it will love you. Jay D...take care of your family. I'm sorry things went "boing" with a lot of stuff. Some of it my fault, but some of it...well, you know who made me do it. Bill Shannon (WXLY)...thanks for making our foursome when we needed one and the memories you have from Iowa. It made me feel at home a lot faster. Blaze (Q104.5)...no more kids. Jesus. Brent McKay (Alice)...you should have an OM job sooner rather than later. You're good, and a good example. Trey Cooler...you lead an excellent team...excellently. But for God's sake...stop DRIVING to work. Jon Robbins (OM)...thanks for the chance. I'm sorry...when you left, things got whiggy...and not for the better. The Power Crew (Power 94.3)...It wasn't my fault...I swear. Now, do you believe me? I knew about it because I was asked to plan for it. Don't let it ruin your love for radio. It'll happen again somewhere else. It always does. Peace. Word. Thanks for the hip-hop moniker...G-money...out. I'm sure there are more...but I've said my goodbyes to them elsewhere in private.
Well...that's about it. I think. I'm sure there are more, but I'll save those for my new audience. I'll be true to the same kindness I received while here. You deserve that...and earned it, in my book.
Who knows...someday I'll be back. Just for vacation, I'm sure. Goodbye.
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Did you hear that they are turning your old 730 am station into an affiliate for Air America Liberal radio. I kid you not.
Couldn't have said it better myself, Greg. Your commentary is a carbon copy of daily conversations between my wife and I. We're from VA and thought we were from the "South" but realize now that we're not. Good luck in the new endeavor.
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