YEAH, I'M ONE OF THOSE GUYS...

It took my wife about a year to figure out what I have done to our daughter. Initially, she supported enthusiastically my choice in favorite animal for our daughter, Cady. I chose an elephant. It's one of those weird things parents do to their children early on...you know, like tell them a bunch of crap about how the Democrats are "heroes to the underclass" and start filling their heads full of liberal ideas early on so they "latch" to the ideas and become liberals themselves.

Well, I didn't want that to happen to my daughter, so I chose the elephant as her favorite animal. Yes, it was a subliminal message...something my wife finally picked up on by the time it was too late. It never occurred to her that the elephant was the symbol of the GOP. Cady, of course, loves elephants...and there's nothing my wife can do about it now. She has elephant blankets, stuffed animals, books, rubber bathtub toys, elephant themed pajama's...everything to do with the symbol of the right kind of thinking. She could change her mind some day in her rebellious years, but she'd have to destroy an awful lot of memories and photographs I have of her having fun with her elephants.

The point?

At 2:41 on September 21st 2004, her brother was born. We have given him a significant name. But my wife doesn't read the blog very often ("Oh, that silly web newspaper thing you're typing on all the time," she calls it)...so don't anyone of you tell her the new subliminal message I have given to my son.

He's a beautiful strapping 9-pound 6-ounce tough guy...

We've named him Spencer...

Spencer REGAN...

I left the 'A' off the middle name to make it a little less obvious to her. That's one more for the Gipper...

JUST A COUPLE OF SIMPLE QUESTIONS FROM THE PAJAMA GALLERY

Still more things intrigue me about this whole CBS fake document story. Given what we know now about the "likely" source for the CBS documents, Bill Burkett, one question for the news-hounds around the world and at CBS in particular:

IF Bill Burkett is the source...
IF that is determined by the alleged link to a fax machine at a Kinko's in Abilene Texas...
IF the connection to Burkett is that he lives 21-miles away from the Kinko's in question (why so precise in distance calculation?)...

THEN, why would Burkett use a fax machine 21-miles away? Why use a Kinko's when he could have used a library or some other fax outlet even more than 21-miles away to remove even more suspicion? Why use a Kinko's AT ALL?

If you have an answer for it, congratulations...you're doing more thinking than CBS did before they aired the story.

I suspect because Kinko's also specializes in computer document creation and printing too. And I'll bet there's a copy on a computer there somewhere.

ANY DAY NOW...

Yesterday's post was INDEED a joke. I got a bunch of emails and a few people actually posted a few comments about the JOKE (i.e. "play on words", pun, parody) involving the CBS memos. I was trying to have a little fun at CBS's expense. Unfortunately, some people took too much of the very last memo. (Reminder: they were ALL fake, parodies, attempts at humor!)

So let me round up a few of the emails and comments (edited for length) -

Brian - "Wow, you really took a shot at your previous station there Greg! Is it just me, or are you regretting having to leave Charleston?"

Ron - "...some of them were funny, but that last one tricked me a little. I can't decide if you're pulling another fast one on us. You have educated me in the past about reading carefully. Did you mean it?"

clegal341 - "I agree whole hearted on the one that was given to you. My ears tell me it doesn't make sense. I remember what they said about the station and it (so far) hasn't come true."

blakecin - "That Rather thing wasn't funny (the story, i mean). But you put a good spin on it until I saw the last part of the notes. I don't get it."

Anonymous post - "RAOTFLMAO! When are we gonna hear where you are going! I know I find the fact that he speaks gggggerman intersts me to no end..."

Another Anonymous post - "Gee, we aren't bitter are we?...not every opportunity is for everyone...sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Buck up, suck up, get over it, and move on."

Still another Anonymous post (don't you people have names?) - "I read your blog whenever I get the chance...i thought the whole piece was pretty funny so I didn't think anything about it...No matter what anyone says, they made a big mistake...I've moved to XM since."

Okay, folks...besides it being an attempt at humor...Here's the skinny:

1. I am not bitter about anything. It's a rough patch for myself and my family, but I'm an optimist and things will get better. I've bounced back before, and I have a lot of faith in God and things will work out. Job had it tougher.
2. I am not going anywere right now. I have a few more days of freedom before our new child arrives (she's 3 centimeters as of today). I had an early window of opportunity shortly after I left, but my wife and I decided not to make a major move until the new baby was at least a month old...that would be October, folks. I thought that would make sense with some people, but they apparently haven't tried to move with a 8.9 month pregnant woman before. I didn't want to chance it.
3. I have listened to the station occasionally, but not at great length outside of weather and traffic reports. I don't care what they're doing. I AM beyond it and my main concern is my future and my family. Like anyone, I'm curious sometimes...and I still have people there that I care about (hey, Tank!) and it's always good policy to know where good people are and what they're doing.
4. It was a joke! None of the memos were real! I did a little research on the dates for a couple of them...like the one allegedly from Dan Quayle, and the New Coke parody (primarily because I was drinking a Diet Coke at the time I wrote them). All you have to do is put a few key words in Google and you can come up with a whole slew of information like who was in charge of marketing at Coca-Cola in 1985. This is the point! If I (and a bunch of other "pajama journalists" and bloggers) can do it...then surely the almighty powerful resourceful CBS can do a little research on it...the point is: WHY DIDN'T THEY!!!
5. Some of you should have spotted the humor. As a member of the vast-right-wing conspiracy, why would I...good member of the conservative movement...include any reference to the oft-repeated bashing of a great American like Dan Quayle? THAT should have tipped you off...especially because it was the first "memo"...
6. I find it highly interesting that the only comments people have about the whole post is the LAST one...I really thought the others were pretty good. It took me a whole hour and a half to write them and I put a lot of thought into them. I surely thought the "Monica" one would get the most attention because of the "gyno" part and the cigar. I thought it was a little too blue, but decided to hit "publish" anyway. I didn't think twice about the last one. Just goes to show you how something seemingly small can become something big. Hey, that might also be the point with CBS!

Thanks for the thoughts...thanks for the comments...thanks for the emails. Even as I write this, more are coming in...so the final word is this:

IT WAS A PARODY...MEANT AS HUMOR.

OTHER MEMOS PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWN TO CBS

I've gone through my vast collection of memos I received as a member of the media, and I've discovered some shocking information that I previously forgot. You'll have to trust me that these are real given the fact I don't have a scanner to make PDF copies of for you to view. I ran all of them by the same experts CBS used to determine their validity and have their notes below each memo. I'm serious...trust me.
---------------------------------------------

07/23/88
TO: George H W Bush
FR: Danny
RE: Thanks

Gorge, I wanted to thanck you for the chans you've given this old cuntry boy. I reely have alot to lern and I no I can lern it from yu. Let me no wen yu want me to take over for yu when yu ar tyerd of beeing in charj.

Analysis notes: I judge the memo to be authentic given the common mistakes in spelling, which many word processing software programs now commonly use to correct misspellings automatically. Also, the date just so happens to be the day after then Vice President George Bush chose the Indiana Senator as his running mate. A true forgery would have most likely not chosen such a precise date and most likely would have guessed.

04/23/85
TO: Roy Stout, SR VP Marketing
FR: Bryan Dyson, President
RE: Ready for the intro

Roy, I'm having second thoughts about our plan. We've gotten quite a bit of publicity, and that's always good for our brand and image, but I've tasted the new Coke (are we still calling it that?) several times and I'm not sure it's going to work.

This morning, for instance, I reached for my morning Coca-Cola while still sleepy from our long night last night. I still had a few cans of the "old" Coke in the fridge and I wanted to be on board as much as possible, but I grabbed a "new" Coke (we've got to do something about that name) by mistake. I really thought it was a can of you know what from you know who.

We should meet before you make the announcement tomorrow.

Analysis notes: The memo appears to be accurate. The original copy contain what appear to be splatter stains on the paper that contain large amounts of a common corn sweetener. The stains, tested at a science lab are identical to DNA analysis with our control can of New Coke.

Monday
TO: Bill
FR: Monica
RE: Smoke this

Petting Buddy,

I had a really great time last night. I hope it was good pizza! Ha ha. I'm soooo glad you picked me! I always meant to wear those panties you liked so much many times, but I couldn't find the right dress to go with them! I have to thank a really good friend of mine (you might know her because she says she works for you in the Pentagon or something - whatever that is)...anyway, she helped me pick it out and it was sooooo perfect! Oh my god! That thing with the cigar was kinda kinky...but my gyno says I shouldn't probably do it again, though. But if that's what you like, then I guess it'll be okay...I won't tell! Call me! Pleeeezze?

PS. Does your wife have any suggestions for what can maybe get out a stain I found?

Analysis notes: Authentic. Memo contains fibers from under Ken Starr's bed.

6/23/04
TO: Greg Alan, PD/Host
FR: Paul Smith, GM
RE: Idea

Greg, I have an idea I'd like you to implement. I'm not so sure the discussion of local news is all that important to our image of Newsradio. I kind of think it might be a little dark and serious for the party atmosphere that is Charleston...especially downtown. I mean, how many times do we have to talk about education, taxes, and corrupt politicians? If people wanted to talk about that stuff, they can go to the meetings of school boards and city councils and stuff. I mean, it's an election year and people want to get away from all that gobbledygook. I just think we might be burning a few bridges with a lot of people who don't like to be hassled. Here are a few topic suggestions (but you're the PD, so these are just suggestions): Motorcycles, walking, Germany, TV reality shows...these things are hot button compelling topics! Everyone is talking about this kind of stuff!

Let's meet next week (maybe after your show) and go over a plan.

Analysis notes: Couldn't possibly be authentic. Trust me.

I REMEMBER IT DIFFERENTLY

I took some time yesterday to view a few of the Friday, September 10th "rememberance" stories on various networks. PBS, HBO, and earlier this week a History Channel episode about September 11th. I must be missing something.

The PBS documentary was mostly a review of the September 11th Commission report...a minute by minute discussion of the "mistakes" our country made in responding to the crisis as it happened.

The HBO program was a little better - mostly a collection of amateur video and AP/Network photography at the moment of attack in New York. It was rather moving and made no notice of the political ramifications of the attack.

The History Channel (I think on Wednesday) had a very long documentary about the September 11th Commission report, including computer animation of the paths of the planes, the confusion of officials, etc. I watched most of it, but lost interest after about 1am.

It seems to me that most of the programs we're likely to see about the attack will be nothing more than an examination of what went wrong...and I believe that nothing went wrong. According to the press and the "experts", September 11th is now supposed to be remembered as a collection of our own failures. I'm actually kind of enraged about that. It's almost as if these were nothing more than mechanical/communication failures that led to multiple plane crashes...sort of like what we're treated to when an average airline reports a plane down...and we're going to analyze every detail of why it happened.

Readers - this is nothing more than an attempt to get you to believe differently about that day...to erase the anger you felt, the thoughts of vengence, the emotion...to deny all of the thoughts and feelings you had when you heard/saw the events happening and think more along the lines of a clinical examination of who screwed up...namely, anyone in the Bush Administration we can put on camera.

If you don't believe me, ask yourself a couple of questions:

1. What do you suppose we should have done differently that would have made the difference?
2. Why do you believe we should be blaming the victims (us) for what lunatics did?
3. What was your pre-September 11th understanding of what a hi-jacking of an airplane was?

There are several areas of the documentary stories that bothered me...

President Bush took an extra 7-minutes to continue reading to children in that 8-th grade classroom instead of jumping up and screaming "We're under attack!!!" and running out of the room - signaling we're all in for it and we're doomed: "...go into the bomb shelters you now use as a wine cellar."

We lost the planes on radar. We don't USE radar for general air traffic control, folks...we use a transponder system. When the transponder is switched off, the plane stops sending a signal to air traffic controllers and they lose track of it...it's only then that we try and search for the plane with radar...and that can take a long time, especially under the conditions we were in at the time. We had hi-jackings (see question #3 above), and nobody considered they would be flown into buildings. Technology is amazing, but it can't do everything you read in books.

We couldn't shoot them down. Who would have thought? We should send pilots in F15's to shoot down American airplanes? Remember the old Soviet Union mutual assured destruction films of the 1980's? Remember how a good plot-line in most of those movies revolved around a soldier in a bunker who refuses to "turn the key" and loose the nukes? Crimson Tide, most recently...was about one such soldier who refused to give up his key on a submarine because he thought the captain was nuts when he wanted to launch the missles. Do you honestly believe our members of the Air Force are just a bunch of robots who would have no second thoughts about shooting down a plane full of Americans?

Here's the bottom line, friends. We got snookered...but THEY attacked us. It can't be prevented in the future, and we better resolve ourselves of that fact. No President or policy, or law, or Commission, or plan will be able to fully protect us from something like September 11th. The only thing that will make the difference is in our attitudes.

Remember the anger, the pain, the emotions, the resolve...and stand up with those who will take the fight to them - instead of waiting to respond to the next attack.

And if you really believe that we screwed up, and like to review technical failures that lead to these kinds of things...here's another list of reports you probably would like to read as well.

THIS WILL BE FUN TO WATCH

Sitting on the sidelines, it's difficult to watch the news. So much to say about it, but I've moved away from detailing some of the minor stories that I would normally use in a broadcast...this one, I just can't resist because it offers a lot of room to explore.

It's the most recent charges of National Guard Service by Democrats against George W Bush. I didn't see the 60-minutes story about some supposed new memos found in a drawer somewhere in Texas, but I've seen the aftermath and it's going to be fun to watch a lot of people squirm.

The basis of the "problem" appears to be that the papers found and vetted by CBS News appear to be forged. I won't get into what I think about whether they are or not (I think they are forgeries), but what will happen to a few of the major players:

1. The Media. CBS has a big problem on their hands. Like "anonymous sources" they protect as a First Amendment issue, they will protect their reports and reporters...to their doom. They can't blame partisan bias, because they're not supposed to have any. They can't blame their source, because they'll look like fools to other sources. They can't blame their researchers who looked over the authenticity of the documents, because they told every viewer to trust their judgement. Other news organizations are going to be attacking this like nobody's business...ABC News has a lengthy story about it on their website and on Nightline last night...the Washington Post is killing them with a story about the forgeries...other newspapers and TV organizations who see advantage in ruining the reputation of another information outlet will go in for the kill too.
2. The Partisans. Not much will happen to the real left-wing loonies...because they'll believe most anything bad about George W Bush. If they already believe that "Bush Knew" with regard to September 11th...there's not much further into the stratosphere of rediculousness they can go. But you must understand something...a lot of partisans are being praised for their "cutting edge" and "young technology whizzes" who have led the blogging, the internet fundraising, the text messaging activists, you name it. The internet organized and tech-savvy liberals will have a tough time denying that the memos are fake...because it's so obvious. Some won't care, of course...but others won't let a politician or a cause get in the way of their tech-egos and it will damage their faith in only one of those...most likely politicians (specifically John Kerry whom they don't really care much about anyway...remember, it's Anybody But Bush).
3. The Democrats. The American people will see that this is a sloppy, sad attempt at getting them to question their loyalty to a political choice. Many will come to the realization that if this was put forward by John Kerry's campaign friends and supporters...that they're on the wrong team. Anyone who would be so stupid as to write a memo...forged on something so obvious as Microsoft Word...and pass it off as true - will give a lot of Americans a bad vibe. They'll either end up not voting...or switching to GWB for spite.

Future predictions:

John Kerry will deny any involvement...but people won't believe him.

The media will do it's best to hold out until something more interesting comes along...and drop it in the middle of the storm. To them, they're hoping it will be like NBC's experimentation with exploding gas tanks. It'll be funny for a while.

Dan Rather will get a little more heat on him to step down. As anchor of the report, he'll be forever tainted as someone who was duped so easily. Either that, or he'll be seen as lazy (which I believe is the primary cause of this sloppy report). I think he'll do it...he'll step down at the end of the election.

George W Bush will win handily in November. I, myself, will hold my nose and vote for him.

BACK IN ACTION

Whew...finally got the internet connection back. For a while there, I had to go back to the stone ages and use a dial up connection. Excuse me while I catch up with what's going on.

We're still waiting for a baby...it should be any day now.

We're still waiting for a good opportunity...it should be any day now.

We're still waiting to sell the house...it should be any day now.

MIA

Sorry folks, I've lost my internet connection for a little while (thanks, Comcast...you bunch of boneheads)...and I'm in the final stages of a new baby...only 2-weeks to go (and the wife is doing some serious nesting - and driving me nuts) for the latest edition to the Alan household. So, as soon as Comcast get's their heads out of their (@@!&&*!), I'll post on several things that have been on my mind lately:

1. Can we win the War on Terror? President Bush says yes/no and John Kerry says he can win it absolutely. Bush is right...Kerry is desperately lying. We can no more win the War on Terror than we have won The War On Poverty/Crime/Drugs/Drunk Driving/Guns/(insert catch phrase here)...
2. My current employment situation...waiting, but something in reserve.
3. Baby names
4. Why people shouldn't watch home improvement shows

Oh, I'm telling you...I've got a lot on my mind. But until then...these dial up internet connections are a pain in the rear.