BIT OF A BREAK

I'm on the road doing the traveling radio road show this week, so postings have been sparse since Thanksgiving. Sorry. I'm even late in telling y'all...duh.

I'm currently on a bus collecting toys and donations for the Boys and Girls Club of Cedar Rapids...and a few other local charities.

In the meantime...buy a damn mug, will ya?

I've added some new items too...bumper stickers and mousepads. Really cool stuff.

A SOLUTION TO THE PRESIDENT'S PROBLEM

Various news services warn us of the current President's poll numbers. Depending on who you read or how the poll was conducted, this spells warning and danger for George W Bush. Why this is, is never explained. He's not running for re-election; his "legacy" will be determined loooonnnggg after he leaves office; and other than a President needing to feel good about himself, I can't think of a reason why this is such a big deal. They all say that it's going to help Democrats or Republicans run for office in the House and Senate in an off-year in their home states - but these are the same people who say that people vote locally. This is also a President that has not governed himself by poll numbers, and has proudly said so. Go figure.

Tossing around an idea this morning, I've come across a way for GWB to get a bit of a boost in the polls. Don't pardon the Presidential Turkey.

Each year we go through the silly ritual of having the National Turkey Federation donate a gigantic bird to the President - only to have it pardoned at the last second and sent to a petting zoo. This time, he should bring out an axe and make eating turkey officially okay again. After all...most of the "pardoned" birds only last a few weeks at the zoo before they succumb to their fatness. So far, I can't locate where their bodies might be stored. There are no Presidential Turkey Graveyards. I bet somebody is eating them, or they are going to waste in the trash. I'm sure the President eats some turkey like most of America on Thanksgiving, so somebody has to die. Shouldn't it be the best bird produced by the fine farmers who put their hard earned elbow grease and gene-splicing skills to such use?

If I were a member of the National Turkey Federation, I'd be pretty pissed. You work for years on presenting the best possible example of your achievements - a large, breast enhanced, symbol of Thanksgiving - only to have the President say, "No thanks..." and send it to die a non-useful death at some petting zoo after three weeks. Even the petting zoo, Kidwell Farms in Virginia, is located in Frying Pan Park for crying out loud. Turkey's can and do die of heart attacks - some have been reported to have died in mass numbers when we were regularly breaking the sound barrier in the 1950's.

The silly idea began with Harry S Truman in 1947 when he pardoned the national turkey. I guess after slaughtering all those people in Nagasaki and Hiroshima, he can be excused for being tired...but certainly not the rest of our Presidents since. We even have a stand-by bird waiting behind the cameras just in case the first bird won't behave on the stage with the President. That bird is pardoned too. I say if the bird misbehaves, withdraw the pardon and start the oven.

I think most true-blooded Americans would appreciate a little honesty and common sense this year. Give the American people something to truly talk about around the Thanksgiving table with their families. Something other than what we usually get each year: some part time reporter showing the destitute standing in lines this year because of Republican policies; the people of New Orleans enjoying their big-screen TV's in the parking lot that used to be their homes before Katrina; how the cost of Republican policies have forced Americans to shop more wisely this year.

I certainly couldn't hurt the President's poll numbers. It might even help.

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GOVERNOR WILL FOREVER BE JUST A GOVERNOR - update

Update on the jail situation in Fort Madison...

From Thursday's blog post:

Here's the original Des Moines Register story done about the change to taut-wire fences at the state prisons in 2002.

"What this allows you to do is to reassign staff to mobile patrols, which are coordinated electronically," Department of Correction director Kip Kautzky said. "We have been doing this for several years, and we have had absolutely no escapes. This will be an enhancement in security, not a reduction."

Now...the governor is talking tough and trying to deflect and act like he had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Gov. Tom Vilsack said an investigation has been launched and those responsible for the security lapse will be held responsible. ‘‘When the job is not done, people are going to be held accountable and responsible,’’ Vilsack said. ‘‘There were a series of mistakes that were made.’’ Vilsack said there’s no sense seeking to assess blame until the investigation is complete.‘‘I don’t think fingerpointing advances the process at all,’’ he said.

"mistakes that were made"...when a politician says those words, they mean somebody small is gonna get the blame. Not them.

See?

"One employee at the Iowa State Penitentiary in Fort Madison has been suspended as part of an investigation of the escape of two prison inmates...more suspensions are expected."

The governor can't even elaborate on who or what the reason was for their suspension. Let's see, two hardened murderers escape...they're on the loose for four days...and somebody's getting SUSPENDED. I wonder if that's WITH pay? (Shhhhh!)

GOVERNOR WILL FOREVER BE JUST A GOVERNOR

Governor Vilsack's quest for higher office ends today.

In light of the prison escape at Iowa's maximum-security prison, questions have been raised as to how it could happen. Conveniently, the governor was the one giving a press conference this morning announcing the capture of Martin Moon. He needed to get out in front of this because the questions are some tough ones he'll have to answer at some point:

Was the 'taut-wire' fence even turned on? According to an article in the Des Moines Register, no one will say. Of course, you have to read well into the story to find this doozy:

Fred Scaletta, a spokesman for the Iowa Department of Corrections, declined Wednesday to say whether an electronic wire barrier was operational at Fort Madison at the time of the escapes.

Methinks it wasn't...otherwise, why not tell us? I think we have a right to know if someone forgot to turn on the switch.

Then, the news that it was Governor Vilsack and his then-director of the State Department of Corrections, Kip Kautzky who recommended the fences as a "security enhancement" at the prison.

The governor and legislature in 2002 approved a budget-cutting plan calling for the electronic monitoring, with then-Director W. L. Kautzky arguing that it would actually enhance security. "This will be an enhancement in security, not a reduction," Kautzky said at the time.

Here's the original Des Moines Register story done about the change at the state prisons in 2002. I love the part in bold above in full context:

"What this allows you to do is to reassign staff to mobile patrols, which are coordinated electronically," Kautzky said. "We have been doing this for several years, and we have had absolutely no escapes. This will be an enhancement in security, not a reduction."

Whoops. And at the time, Vilsack's union buddies didn't get much from him for their original support of his campaign for Governor.

Gov. Tom Vilsack has included Kautzky's plan within his budget submitted to state lawmakers, but Gray said union members plan to press the issue with Vilsack.

It obviously fell on deaf ears.

Now...the governor is talking tough and trying to deflect and act like he had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Gov. Tom Vilsack said an investigation has been launched and those responsible for the security lapse will be held responsible.‘‘When the job is not done, people are going to be held accountable and responsible,’’ Vilsack said. ‘‘There were a series of mistakes that were made.’’Vilsack said there’s no sense seeking to assess blame until the investigation is complete.‘‘I don’t think fingerpointing advances the process at all,’’ he said.

"mistakes that were made"...when a politician says those words, they mean somebody small is gonna get the blame. Not them.

Those fingers are pointing at you, Governor. Luckily - because of it - we won't have to point our fingers on your name on any future ballots.

Hey, Governor...what finger am I pointing at you right now?

-MORE TO COME-

Do you like the post? Then buy a mug! New, at the Greg Alan mall...coffee mugs in a bold design! Come back for more things coming soon - mousepads, T-shirts, bumper stickers, and more!

DEBUTING IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS!

or BETTER LATE THAN NEVER!

I've started my own on-line merchandise area courtesy of CafePress. I only have a couple of items up now, but more ideas are filling my head every day. The first, is a really cool design on some mugs that are sorely needed on your desk...impress your friends, and make your enemies' blood boil. The first design is fairly simple. Anyone can put a stinkin' ribbon on the back of their car that says "Support the troops"...HELL, Liberals say they support the troops...but now you can put some meaning behind it. AND show off your support for the website and radio program.

Check out the items...there's only three for now...and come back soon for more!

Every once in a while, I get a bug in my ear to do something kinda cool...like some T-shirts, hats, mugs, bumper stickers, buttons and other things...so this is where you'll find them. Sometimes totally for charity, sometimes for profit. You don't mind me making a little money on this whole exercise, do you? Hell, it costs me almost 500-bucks a year to host and maintain the site...so why not, eh?

Check out the items at Cafe Press: GregAlanStuff

CONSPIRACY NUTS, TAKE NOTE


The folks at MIT have finally done a study of the effectiveness of tinfoil hats. So - you global warming believing, Democrat activist, Bush lied, Howard Dean loving, there's a draft planned, oil company cabal believing, Twin Towers were blown up - weirdos...the hats you're wearing? They actually AMPLIFY the hidden government radio signals you fear so much.

MIT Study Link

Summary:

"Among a fringe community of paranoids, aluminum helmets serve as the protective measure of choice against invasive radio signals. We investigate the efficacy of three aluminum helmet designs on a sample group of four individuals. Using a $250,000 network analyser, we find that although on average all helmets attenuate invasive radio frequencies in either directions (either emanating from an outside source, or emanating from the cranium of the subject), certain frequencies are in fact greatly amplified. These amplified frequencies coincide with radio bands reserved for government use according to the Federal Communication Commission (FCC). Statistical evidence suggests the use of helmets may in fact enhance the government's invasive abilities. We theorize that the government may in fact have started the helmet craze for this reason."

Of course, it could all be part of the plan...right?

WE SHOULD START CALLING HIM GOVERNOR vilSLICK

It's easy to pull the wool over the eyes of the American people. With a willing press, and an ignorant public, we let these guys get away with far too much. It's time it stopped. Thankfully, the internet revolution is slowly changing the access to information...and in many cases, the correction of information.

Still, most blogs are rarely read...cable TV news outlets have about a fifth of the audience of network news...and radio people can be apathetic.

Today's outrage: Vilsack stands by vote decision

Before you read it, here are a few un-disputable facts:

1. Felons ALWAYS had the right to vote once they were paroled, paid their restitution and court costs, and applied to the governor to have their cases heard.
2. Governor Vilsack DENIED the right to vote to a number of felons so far in his tenure in Iowa. He denied them on a case by case basis depending on the circumstances of their crimes.
3. Governor Vilsack executive order granted BLANKET clemency to ALL released felons to begin voting once their parole was complete...without having to apply to restore those rights. Currently, you have to apply to have your driving priveleges restored once your license is suspended.
4. This blanket clemency restored the right to vote REGARDLESS of whether or not the released felon paid their fines, restitution, and court costs.

I think he did it so he could spend more time running for higher office...he wouldn't have to waste time deciding whether or not released sex offenders would cause problems in schools where they vote.

It is with sweet justice I report the following. The US Supreme Court refused to hear a case challenging Florid-duh's LIFETIME ban on the voting rights of convicted felons. Lifetime ban. Once again...lifetime ban...forever...that's all she wrote folks. Once convicted and released...felons will NEVER get to vote again.

Unless they move to Iowa.

And again...forget about informing the public of the basic truths I pointed out above...the AP is in the bag for Democrats...from the story:

"Vilsack signed an executive order last summer, automatically restoring voting rights to felons after they have served their sentence. Before the order, felons could apply to get voting rights back, but critics said that involved a long and complicated process that effectively denied a basic right to people who had served their sentence."

Yeah...long and complicated. Like being able to actually read the request form...and pay what you owe in restitution and fines.

Good luck in 2008, Governor. Just remember...Google is watching...

WEEKEND "WHAT-THE-HELL?" COLUMN

It's that time of the week...the wind-down. So, I thought I'd do a stream-of-conscious kind of thing with some fun and serious stories from this week/today:

Story: Iowa woman finds dead turtle in her freeze-dried coffee

Lawsuit in 5, 4, 3, 2, ...

Seriously...who the hell drinks freeze-dried coffee anymore? With Starbucks recent discovery of a state called Iowa, you'd think the idea of anything less than a Venti Verona black would be out of the question.

‘‘I thought it was a toy at first,’’ said Marjorie Morris, 77, of Ainsworth, Iowa.

Ummm...I don't think they put toys even in breakfast cereal anymore...much less cans of Folger's Crystals.

Story: Looking for Comedy in the Muslim world

John (Give me a break!) Stossel of ABC's 20/20 has an interesting piece about the lack of any Hollywood backbone in making a movie with Muslim-based villains. He cites one of my favorite book-turned-movies, The Sum of All Fears. I love Tom Clancy's old style cold-warrior books and was excited to find this book made into a movie...but extremely pissed when they turned the MUSLIM Palestinian terrorists into neo-Nazi's instead.

This time, it's just the title of the new Albert Brooks (Broadcast News) movie that Sony Pictures had a problem with (movie info here)...and refused to release the movie. Warner Independent plans to release the movie instead. I plan to see it. I've always liked Albert Brooks' sarcastic sense of humor. If an imam in India laughed about the movie, I don't know why Americans wouldn't.

Example joke: "Why is there no Halloween in India? 'Cause they took away the Gandhi!"

That's comedy gold...

Story: Hunting season opens for mythical creature

Those darn Swedes. A creature called Storsjo may or may not be stalking the depths of a Swedish lake. Yeah, I know what you're thinking - it's called, Loch Ness and the Scots have that name copywrited. Anyway, the "animal" was first mentioned in print in 1635. Hundreds of sightings have been reported since then. Some people describe the creature as a snakelike animal with a dog's head and fins on its neck

They can't prove it actually exists...but they put it on the endangered species list anyway. Seriously. It's sort of like the Sierra Club saying we need to add Bigfoot to our own endangered species list.

Now, because the government of Sweden can't actually prove it exists, they have to remove it from the list and they've allowed a hunting season for it.

Sort of like the Cedar Rapids Urban Deer Task Force...

Have a good weekend.

Coming Monday on the show, Wal-Mart won't allow 'Merry Christmas'...

TO BE PERFECTLY HUMBLE, THIS IS A MOST IMPORTANT POST…

Sorry it’s been a while since I posted. But today, there’s something going on that has really riled up my passion. I’m about fed up with the ease at which politicians (notice I don’t say anything about party) are playing the oil card today. Frankly, I am appalled. I’m normally a big fan of Senator Charles Grassley. I’ve met him a number of times – he seems very nice in an Iowa way – and most of his time in Congress have been marked by his extreme fairness. I have my minor issues with him – he voted against the first Gulf War in 1990; and the 50-million dollar Iowa Porkforest in Corallville is a burr in my saddle – but his “regular guy” appeal has always been enough for me to trust him. No more. He’s either lost it, or he has fooled me for all these years. It’s time for him to go. Washington got to him.

I’m trying to be very nice because I haven’t talked to him in a long time. He knows me, and I have counted his son among my best friends in the world for more than 10 years. I don’t want to lose that friendship because it has nothing to do with politics – but I’ve expressed my displeasure to him and he knows I wouldn’t bullshit him over something like this.

I’m going to be following this oil company “excessive profits” story for a while because I think it’s most important. No matter what you might think, I have no interest in any oil company – anymore than any other American who has a 401K, mutual fund, individual stocks or whatever. It’s a roundabout way of saying, “no one is paying me to say what I’m about to say.”

What is happening today in Washington is UN-American. I would expect it of some Democrats who normally do their best to undermine the ideals of our capitalistic society (notice I said some). It’s sad, really. I may just be a bunch of dopes hopped up on getting themselves some ink and cover to appear in advertising when they run for office again…or it could be worse – they could mean it this time.

Last week, Senator Grassley wrote to leading gas and oil trade associations urging them to contribute a portion of profits to programs that supplement the government's Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program. This, in light of their “excessive profits” reaped by the higher gasoline prices. He said, "It seems only logical for the companies to practice good corporate citizenship by helping low-income families and seniors," He chairs the tax-writing Finance Committee.

Senator Byron Dorgan (D-ND) has introduced “windfall profits tax” legislation that calls for a 50% extra tax on profits earned when the price of oil rises above $40 a barrel. His insanity is understandable…he’s a liberal. Liberals hate profits…especially in an industry like oil. Well…of course they don’t hate ALL profits, just someone else’s profits. More on that later..

The press isn’t helping, either. No one seems willing to actually want to educate the American people. Just for example, read the portions of a story from the Associated Press on today’s hearings:

there is a "growing suspicion that oil companies are taking unfair advantage," Sen. Pete Domenici, R-N.M., said, opening the hearing in a packed committee room. "The oil companies owe the American people an explanation," he declared.

Yes…but so do you idiots. Why don’t you take the opportunity to actually educate the American people on just what the problem is?

ExxonMobil, the worlds' largest privately owned oil company, earned nearly $10 billion in the third quarter. Raymond was joined at the witness table by the chief executives of Chevron, ConocoPhillips, BPAmerica and Shell Oil USA.

Together the companies earned more than $25 billion in profits in the July-September quarter as the price of crude oil hit $70 a barrel and gasoline surged to record levels after the disruptions of Hurricanes Katrina and Rita.

My God…25-billion in profits. HUGE amount, eh? But in the context of how much total revenue the company had – minus expenses (like getting more than 60 oil rigs back on line after the storms), it represents only a 10-PERCENT PROFIT…even in the context of the whole year. Don’t count on anyone to tell you that in this story, of course…but thanks to the internet, you can find this information easily: Try YAHOO Finance, for one. See also my handy list posted below.

Even President Bush’s spokesperson couldn’t resist to turn all “wobbly” and cower to the political element of the story.

Scott McClellan. "It's important that the private sector be good corporate citizens and invest in the energy infrastructure and support those who are in need."

It isn’t until the final few sections of the story that you even get a hint of what this 25-billion dollars in profit represents:

James Mulva, chairman of ConocoPhillips, said "we are ready open our records" to dispute allegations of price gouging. ConocoPhillips earned $3.8 billion in the third quarter, an 89 percent increase over a year earlier. But he said that represents only a 7.7 percent profit margin for every dollar of sales.

But, back to the misleading of the American people:

The oil industry's record third-quarter profits _ at a time when motorists were reeling from unprecedentedly high gasoline costs and warned of huge heating bills this winter _ have caught the attention of both Republicans and Democrats in Congress. Some analysts predict the 29 largest oil companies will earn $96 billion this year.

Yes, record profits. But in history? The last 5 years? 2 years? I mean, really…if I were to play baseball tomorrow and hit a home run, it would be a record for me. I hit a record number of home runs in 2005!! And the unprecedentedly (their word, not mine) high gasoline costs were nothing of the kind. Adjusted for inflation, the cost of gasoline was LOWER than it was in 1981. I mean REALLY…if the press can’t afford to look up a word in a dictionary, how much can we expect they’ll do a Yahoo search for company profit reports for 2005?

Of course, the oil companies have made a lot of profit lately, but so have many other businesses and industries. Although Exxon got big headlines for earning $9.92 billion in the third quarter, few analysts bothered to note that this only came to 9.8 cents per dollar of sales — well below that of many other companies.

As promised, here’s a list of some other sectors of the economy that profited in 2005. Remember when that was good news? We must be having a real good economy for Democrats to suddenly drop the “worst economy in 30-years” mantra – and complain about excessive profits. Pay particular attention to the final group of profiteers.

Company or Sector followed by a percentage of profit margin in 2005
Basic Materials Sector:
Oil & Gas Refining & Marketing 7.20
Chemicals - Major Diversified 8.40
Oil & Gas Equipment & Services 8.80
Major Integrated Oil & Gas 9.20
Industrial Metals & Minerals 12.20
Gold 13.10
Nonmetallic Mineral Mining 13.40
Independent Oil & Gas 13.90
Oil & Gas Drilling & Exploration 14.30
Steel & Iron 14.90
Copper 21.80

I’m sure the hard-workin’ blue collar unionized Steel and Iron companies aren’t going to be called up to testify in Congress anytime soon over their excess profits…
Neither will the companies that provide other everyday used products from the Consumer Goods sector who also profited excessively. Well, maybe the cigarette people…

Personal Products 8.00
Cigarettes 8.50
Tobacco Products, Other 8.50
Beverages - Soft Drinks 10.90
Beverages - Brewers 11.40
Confectioners 11.50
Cleaning Products 11.60

And why aren’t Senators warning us about another Technology Bubble Burst like the DOT-COM’s of the 90’s?

Technology Sector:
Communication Equipment 8.80
Multimedia & Graphics Software 9.20
Data Storage Devices 9.40
Business Software & Services 10.20
Telecom Services - Domestic 10.50
Semiconductor - Integrated Circuits 10.80
Semiconductor - Broad Line 12.80
Information & Delivery Services 13.70
Networking & Communication Devices 16.80
Security Software & Services 18.50
Application Software 20.70
Internet Information Providers 24.20

Defined by anything more than oil companies (10-percent profit)…that’s not even a small sample of the excessive profits list. It gets even worse if you look at individual companies like Citigroup and Microsoft – each made 33.2 percent profits. Among other major companies that each made at least twice as much as Exxon in percentage terms are Bank of America, Merck, Google, Eli Lilly, Coca Cola, Intel, and Yahoo.

But none did better over the last number of years than US Senators themselves. Read this story from the Business Report.

“…we find US senators who, when they are not doing their day job running the country, are rather talented at investing. Senators beat the stock market annually by 12 percent on average, the first comprehensive study of share trading by members of the US's upper house has found. That is an impressive performance, as fund managers are thought to have the Midas touch if they regularly outperform by about 3 percent, and even hedge funds - which charge steep fees for performance - are now on average only 6 percent better than the market. The academics who conducted the study looked at 6,000 stock transactions made by senators between 1993 and 1998. They noted that the senators did an especially good job of picking up stocks at just the right time - their buys were typically flat before they bought them, but beat the market by 30 percent, on average, in the year after.

I wonder when they’ll be taking an oath and testifying to themselves. It’s really sad…and dangerous, this Washington game. Shame on them…and shame on us for not paying attention.